With butterflies in your stomach, you can’t help but smile when you see a certain Snapchat pop up on your homescreen. Careful not to draw any attention, you tilt your phone so your friends won’t see—they would eat you alive. Love is embarrassing and high school is brutal. In fear of the inevitable backlash, high schoolers avoid formal relationships. Whether you want to call it snapping, talking or exclusive, your situationship is complicated and impacted by judgment and insecurities. We at The Tower urge high schoolers to refrain from scrutinizing other people’s relationships to promote the success of healthy, loving connections.
Relationships are a safe space to be with a person who won’t judge you, but that judgment is replaced by surrounding pressure from friends, classmates and people who feel the need to have an opinion on your personal choices. The National Library of Medicine finds that healthy romantic relationships during adolescence can help build friendship skills, foster social and interpersonal benefits, and even help people feel accepted by their peers; we at The Tower feel that last point has been lost in today’s school culture. The purpose of relationships is for the people in them to feel loved and, simply, be happier. The thoughts of others around them should not have any bearing on that, and if your friend is in a happy, healthy relationship, you should support them rather than be critical of the effects the relationship may have on their social status.
According to the University of Wisconsin, during adolescence, your peers’ opinions strongly influence your thoughts and choices. With this in mind, we at The Tower recognize the power words hold in high schools. You might point something out and move on with your day, but the person your comment is directed towards might continue to think about it for days. What might seem like a harmless remark regarding your friends’ relationships could be enough to cause a breakup. You almost never gain anything by criticizing someone else’s relationship, so why not use the weight of your words to uplift others? Not everything your friends do will be what you think is best; however, showing someone support during a confusing stage of life can help build healthy bonds for your friendship and their relationship.
Unless you were asked for it, your advice and judgments of others’ relationships are unnecessary and unwanted. Everyone deserves the right to a private life, whether you are a celebrity, a teacher or, certainly, a student. When you begin discussing others’ private lives, you risk sharing information that will be passed along and altered, sparking gossip and spreading misinformation that does nothing but harm the feelings and reputations of the people being talked about. In the same way that Leonardo DiCaprio does not want to see TMZ posting rumors about his girlfriend, nobody wants to hear themselves being whispered about in the hallways. Even if the information is true, it is none of your business, and you are still hurting someone who wants something to stay confidential. If you want your own private life to stay private, we at The Tower believe we only maintain that right when we respect others’ privacy.
Though judging others’ relationships generally leads to negative results, there are times when it is appropriate. If someone close to you is ever in a situation where their partner’s behavior is toxic, voicing your concerns is definitely justified. As teens learn how to have romantic relationships, part of being supportive is also helping to guide them through hard situations. However, this does not mean nitpicking every small detail in an otherwise happy relationship. If your advice is rooted in your own opinions rather than in someone else’s best interests, consider keeping it to yourself.
Remember that in the high school stage of adolescence, when most are fighting for acceptance, your support or discouragement could be the difference between someone’s mental clarity and a continued battle. When given the choice, protect others’ self-image and happiness rather than tearing them down, and don’t bog down on relationships that aren’t rooted in maltreatment.
