Relationships can feel like everything. In high school, they can help students build confidence, connections and emotional maturity. Without clear examples in students’ lives, they can have a hard time identifying or defining unhealthy versus healthy relationships.
To completely understand the difference between an unhealthy relationship and a healthy relationship, one should break it down. South counselor Beth Walsh-Sahutske has previously written an article on high school relationships and what students should look for in a partner.
“There are characteristics that you want to have in a good relationship,” Walsh-Sahutske said. “But there are also things that you will have to leave behind, so it’s about finding that healthy balance.”
Understanding balance can help students recognize what they need in a relationship. Communication is a key factor in a healthy relationship and can keep partners on the same page.
“You need to be able to talk honestly and openly,” Walsh-Sahutske said. “People that you are developing a relationship with shouldn’t be afraid to tell the whole truth.”
A lot of students struggle to understand the importance of spending time with their partner while also making sure there is time spent independently. Sociology teacher Kendra Caralis identifies some issues or red flags students might pick up in an unhealthy relationship.
“Something to notice is possessiveness over someone, not wanting them to hang out with their friends,” Caralis said. “Sometimes one partner can have more control over the other and not let one another do things they want to.”
Relationships are built on trust and communication. Something that comes with this is knowing yourself and what you are comfortable with. Clinical social worker Rebecca Palen goes over the importance of making sure your boundaries are met in a healthy way.
“Something everyone should have in a partner is mutual respect,” Palen said. “There should never be any pressure around hanging out, physical intimacy, or reaction to boundaries in general.”
Many students base their relationships on what they see at home. When people enter an unhealthy relationship, it can sometimes be hard to leave, just because some don’t know that it is unhealthy.
“Students can pick up qualities from other relationships that are around them,” Palen said. “There are so many reasons why people might stay in an unhealthy relationship and one of the main ones is they don’t know they don’t have to feel that way in a relationship.
Relationships are hard, especially in high school. Knowing yourself and your value is the best solution to understanding what you are looking for in a relationship. When students learn these boundaries can be set and relationships can be healthier.
“Relationships are about learning who you are and what you want,” Caralis said. “And that first relationship may not be the end relationship, and that’s okay. But every relationship you’re in is a chance to learn, and to get better.”
