Andrew Cullen ’14 | Staff Writer

Hello, reader. As a high school student, you are about to embark on the journey of a lifetime. High school is a time of self-discovery; you will make memories that will last forever until you graduate and repress most of them. Now, you might wonder, just quite how does one “be a high schooler”? Well, dear reader, you are in luck. May I present to you: The Comprehensive Guide To Being A High School Student.

Part 1:  How To Be A Freshman

Congratulations, you successfully graduated middle school. All that effort is about to pay off, because now you get to do more amounts of work for little to no reward. As a freshman, it is highly important that you conform to everyone else; no one likes a nonconformist. It is also imperative that you be as overconfident and cocky as possible. The rest of the school will respect you more if you yell profanities at obnoxiously loud volumes in the hallways. It also helps to stand in large circles in the middle of the hallway. This way, you assert your dominance to the rest of the school; people will only respect you more as they try to circumvent the throng. As a new student, reputation is a necessity. It is best to pick a fight with a senior football or lacrosse player. They will be so shocked by your audacity that they won’t even want to take their chances with a tough freshman like you.

Part 2:  Being A Sophomore

Mazel-tov, you survived your first year of high school. Now that you are no longer a lowly first-year student, it is important that you verbally express your distaste towards the new class of freshmen despite the fact that you were literally just like them less than a year ago. Sophomore year is a wondrous time- you have to do all the hard work of a high schooler, but you still can’t enjoy the freedoms of driving a car. Don’t worry, though; driver’s education is as just an unforgettable experience as high school. Your second year of high school will hold many pleasant surprises- like the PLAN test and people asking you where you want to go to college despite the fact that you are only a sophomore. Enjoy it while you can, because you haven’t even seen the worst of it yet!

Part 3:  Life As A Junior

Ah, Junior year. Ask anybody, and they will tell you that Junior year was the best time of their life. What they really mean by that is that it was the worst year of their life. There are so many memories just waiting to be made, like the ACT, the SAT, the ever-constant pressure of maintaining good grades, and struggling to balance school with extracurricular activities. And don’t forget those volunteer hours! Everyone knows the only way to get into college is to be in NHS. What’s that? You thought high school was going to be easy and fun? You can have fun when you pass those AP tests. That’s assuming all your friends haven’t forgotten you. At least you have those summer assignments to look forward to when you finally crawl your way past the front lawn in the sweltering heat of June.

Part 4:  Senior Year And Everything After

That sure went by fast. It’s finally time to do that thing high school was designed for: college applications! What’s that you say? Senior year is supposed to be relaxing? Those college essays aren’t going to write themselves! Don’t forget to send those applications in early, because the Common App is pretty much guaranteed to crash at the worst possible moment. Those countless hours of studying are about to pay off; you are on the brink of spending $30,000 a year in desperate hopes of eventually landing a job in this dying economy. Now that you’re going to college, you’re going to need a summer job. You are guaranteed to feel the urge to quit that minimum wage position in a matter of days. You won’t though, because you put off applying for scholarships, and those tuition costs aren’t getting any lower. Despite the melancholy of the past four years, you will still cry at graduation, and you will still tell everyone that you enjoyed your high school experience.

Well, dearest reader, it’s been quite the journey. The best four years of your life are behind you. It’s all downhill from here. Just remember, there is a world of possibilities out there. A world of student loans, interest rates, mortgages, taxes, meaningless jobs, car payments, and a never-ending quest for meaning and self-fulfillment.