Anyone who knows me, knows I munch. I crunch. I chow this house down. And specifically, I chow down on Trader Joes chips. I have the expertise of a store employee with the amount of knowledge and experience I have had with the many selections in their many rows of food. When buying groceries, I know our Trader Joes like the back of my hand. So I thought I would share my garnered knowledge with those who have not sampled the many chips that Trader Joes has to offer. This is my experience.

PICKLE CHIPS –

The thing about these chips is that they are apparently seasonal, and it’s always in limited stock. The majority of journeys I take to Trader Joes in order to find these chips end in vain simply because the people yearn for the pickle chips. I am not a pickle fan, and I never have been. The only time I would have pickles are in sandwiches, and I wouldn’t have them frequently. But these chips? They’re so tangy, and salty and everything that I hated about pickles, but they’re impossibly good on these chips. After a half a bag of chips, your tongue starts to become numb. After a whole bag, you develop a full ulcer in your mouth. And it hurts—trust me. The best approach to take with these chips is a minimalist one. But if you are to take any advice from this article, at the very least try the pickle chips.

TAKIS-LIKE CHIPS –

As a child in a ‘no snacks’ household, I have never had actual Takis, despite their popularity. But these are a worthwhile alternative, with a flavor I can only describe as explosive for the taste buds, and what I assume Takis taste like. Wrapped up in a folded shape, there’s a scent of lime on these chips, and the flavor seems to remain on your tongue for just a little too long. But be warned, dear reader, for the acidic tang on these chips is nothing to be scoffed at, as is the case for many of these chips. Eat too many of these delectable snacks and you will practically lose your sense of taste. These are meant to be eaten a few at a time, and as someone who scarfed down a bag of these in one sitting, do not follow in my footsteps.

RIDGE SALT PEPPER CHIPS –

These chips were my first love. My reason for living. The pepper taste tends to overpower that of the salt, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Recently, these chips have backed out on the amount of flavor they used to have, and once again, not necessarily a bad thing. Binging these chips used to be a little bit of a task to accomplish, but now, I could practically finish the bag at once because they’re so good. These chips are a bit crispier than the others in this list, they fold around themselves and the sound they make is like ASMR to my ears. On the back of this bag it says that these are ‘a sturdy chip that’s ideally suited for dipping’, so take that as you wish. Out of every bag of chips on this list, these are the most versatile and personally my favorite.

EVERYTHING BUT THE BAGEL –

To be completely honest, this was the only chip from this list that I had not tried prior to writing this article. The bag itself doesn’t look all that appealing, it’s just a white bag with a picture of the chips on them. I regret not trying them sooner. The more of these chips I have, the more intrigued I am, because I genuinely cannot tell what the flavoring is. When the bag said everything but the bagel, did it literally mean everything? These crunchy chips have almost a different flavor per each chip. Don’t get me wrong, none of these flavors are bad, yet I’m still confused as to what it is. These chips are a mystery. On the back of the bag, they say that they are flavored with garlic and onion, and now that they’re named, I can recognize the taste of those in my mouth. I do know one thing about these chips, however: there’s most certainly not a bagel in here.

GHOST PEPPER CHIPS –

More akin to spicy barbecue chips than the hell-fire heat of an actual ghost pepper (I made a mistake of eating a morsel of a ghost pepper when I was younger, I’ve never been the same since) the taste itself only demonstrates a minute dash of what’s to come. The aftertaste is where I finally realized where the ‘ghost pepper’ comes from, as there’s a kick to it that is not enjoyable. The texture of the chips themselves are lovely, they’re in sort of a mesh pattern that is delectable. I was practically scarfing down when I was writing this article. These are chips for those without that much of a spice tolerance to say that they eat in order to seem cool(totally not speaking from experience).