According to the Cleveland Clinic, your frontal lobe controls emotion, personality, judgment, self- control, and thinking, and according to the National Institute of Health, your frontal lobe is not fully developed until the age of 25. Since we are not emotionally complex during adolescence, navigating friendships and relationships in your mid teens is arguably one of the most difficult tasks. What’s even more strenuous is establishing a good relationship with yourself. Here are my must-knows before creating relationships:
1) It is important to know what characteristics in a person resonate the most with you. For example, if you value loyalty and trust, it is key to search for those traits in a person you are interested in creating a relationship with.
2) It is not predictable who you will eventually end up spending your time with, as everything and everyone is constantly changing. I have gotten dropped by a friend group and through this I found a new one that truly accepted me.
3) You are in charge of your actions, not anyone else’s. Therefore, if something does not go your way in a relationship, take a step back and think about your actions. If you find that you did nothing that could possibly cause this uncomfortable situation, then realize that the other person must have some things to work on.
4) People around you all have different problems they are struggling with which can influence their behavior towards others. It is important that you have a good relationship with family and yourself to ensure you do not have significant personal issues to take out on other people.
5) Do not, by any means, be afraid to communicate how you feel and/or how another person is making you feel. Most of the time people do not mean to hurt you, they just make a mistake. If you voice your concern the other person will likely apologize and you can both come up with a plan that benefits each of you and prevents similar situations in the future.
6) Keep in mind that most people in highschool have no clue how to navigate relationships, especially romantic ones. Everyone has had a crush on someone at one point in their life. Although having feelings for a person is completely normal, make sure you value your life when single before you share a big part of your life with someone else. It is easier said than done, because when you have a crush on someone, it can feel like nothing else matters. However, if you have not established a somewhat secure lifestyle, how will you be able to bring in another person into your life?
Sadly, many people are desperate for someone else to fill that empty void in their hearts. If I could go back and redo highschool, there are some red flags I wish I had noticed. Back then, there’s no way I could have known that I would be ghosted after six months of dating, or be broken up with because my boyfriend’s dog died (both personal experiences). However, these were both learning experiences, because they gave me a set of characteristics to look for in a partner and certain standards to value, which is the goal when finding someone to spend your time with.
