What if I hadn’t taken Tower?
What if I hadn’t joined choir, hadn’t taken that junior year schedule, hadn’t chosen that seat in APUSH? Would I still be sitting here writing this column, same as I am today?
In the weeks leading up to college decisions, senior “lasts” and graduation, I’ve found myself turning over this question in my head. Who might I have been today if not for the experiences that define me?
Confession time: Tower is not the end-all, be-all for me. I possess no burning passion for journalism (sorry Edge) and I likely will not pursue it in college. I am a self-proclaimed try-er though, and the path I’ve taken with Tower is just one of many possibilities I believed I would have truly enjoyed. So here, at the end of my high school career, I find myself with a litany not of regrets, but of wonderings. I wonder if I might have been happier, more loved, more successful had I chosen differently at each crossroad my last four years.
Now, if you think I’m about to drop some profound nugget of wisdom or achieve self-actualization in the form of a senior column, you’d be sorely mistaken. I cannot predict the future or the past, to pretend that I can would be an ego trip I’m not prepared to take. What I can say, however, is that regardless of whether I’ve traveled the best road possible, I am no longer sure I care.
Being able to say that, to write that, is an indescribable relief. After spending the last 4 years of my life agonizing over classes, college admission statistics and extracurriculars, I’m now able to look back and see the genuine friendships I’ve formed, new skills I’ve learned and unexpected ways I’ve challenged my mind. The people I’ve met, the classes I’ve taken and the clubs I’ve joined have changed me. I would not give up the person I am today for a chance at being slightly better. Tower has done too much for me, meant too much to me, to ever give that up.
So though the path I’ve traveled is just one of many possibilities, it is mine, and I will finish it with great pride. Ahead on the horizon, I am sure there lies another fork in the road. I do not yet know which path I will choose or where it will take me, but I can only hope that wherever it leads will change me for the better, once again.
Right over left, forever and always,
Madeline Kitchen
