By Claire Hubbell ’17 | Staff Writer

Everyone hates returning to school in the fall, there’s no doubt about that.

Instead of being welcomed back with kind waves in the halls and warm hugs from teachers, I am greeted with chronic anxiety and physical bodily pain. It’s terrible, everybody knows that, but here I am preaching to the choir.

However, the school administrators are not total demons, they too understand the misery that accompanies our re-entry to high school.

So, in order to curb the stress and pain, administrators and students organize an awesome homecoming week to boost morale and grant an escape to tired pupils. I absolutely adore spirit week and all of its activities, but there is no doubt that the homecoming dance takes the cake as the most wonderful part of it all.

For starters, preparing for the dance is an absolute ball. Spending countless hours browsing thousands of dresses, is not only satisfying but also extremely mentally stimulating. Who needs ACT studying when you can invest your time in something actually worthwhile, like memorizing the entire LuLu’s website.

Plus, what’s a better confidence boost than ordering three dresses only to have every single one be too small?

If you’re lucky like me, you can let your procrastination get the best of you (once again!…darn that procrastination), and think it’s okay to wait until the morning of the dance to get a properly fitting dress. Usually, however, most of the stores are barren wastelands freshly sold out of any type of dress, so it’s wise to skip the entire step of trekking out to the mall.

Instead of being forced to re-wear last year’s dress, I have found that going into your garage and rummaging around for an old burlap sack or Costco brand garbage bag often does the trick.

After that comes the actual getting ready for the event. I prefer to keep things tasteful by using my middle-aged mother’s old makeup.

And, in my humble opinion, I think the best way to spice up your look is to curl your hair, but make sure you leave some chunks in the back that are hard to reach uncurled to achieve that “natural girl” look. Because if reading numerous articles about the media getting their panties in a wad over perfectly photoshopped beauty advertisements has taught me anything, it’s that there’s nothing wrong with a girl looking a little rough around the edges.

And to top it all off, it never hurts to burn your face a little on the curler, which is a look I rocked to Homecoming 2014. A little third degree burn on the cheek gives off a rugged, sexy look, like Angelina Jolie.

Once you’re all dressed to the nines, it’s common for students to meet up with their “group” and take pictures. After gathering up in front of some pretty shrubs or picturesque brick walls, parents are given the opportunity to whip out that smartphone and snap some of the highest quality pictures around.

That out of focus shot with your mom’s thumb slightly covering the corner of the lense is totally instagram-worthy. Similarly, that awkward picture with some random guy’s hand stiffly cupped around your shoulder actually looks very candid and natural, which too is one hundred percent postable.

Now, onto the best part: the dance. Not only is it loads of fun, but it’s probably the best cardio workout you will ever be a part of.

The constant bouncing and shrieking along to LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” will have you working up quite a sweat. Having sweat drip off your eyebrows into your tired eyes truly makes you feel like a princess. Plus, nothing says “magical” like watching hundreds of caucasian freshmen tweenagers hit the whip and nae-nae for hours on end. Such a visual can only be compared to that of a Donald Trump interview. You’re utterly confused, but in a scared kid of bewildered way where you just can’t take your eyes off of it, solely out of fear that you’ll miss something hilariously stupid.

However, if you’re more of a sap for classic romance, the center of the gym is the place for you. I can’t think of anything more whimsical than watching greasy upperclassmen grind like their life depended on it. An experience so touching, it brings a tear to my eye.

Though what I just described is undoubtedly the most wondrous night of any high-schooler’s life, I made the unfortunate decision to skip the event this year. I think my decision is largely due to the fact that I truly have no life. Clearly, I can’t see a good time even when it’s right under my nose.

When I was asked about my plans for homecoming, and had to reveal my big choice not to attend, the response I usually received was usually along the lines of “Why would you ever want to miss such an important part of high school?” or “Oh, but it’s such a blast!”. Sometimes the only response I got was a slight gasp, and disapproving look.

So, to everyone who judges those who choose not to partake in the homecoming dance festivities, and pin them as an antisocial loser, you are spot on correct with your intelligent assumptions.

From the way I previously described it, it’s obvious that the dance is wonderful. How could anyone not want to attend?

So, if you’re toying around with the idea of not going to next year’s dance, just save yourself the rude looks and snide comments, and go.

Stereotypes and unspoken social codes have got to be there for a reason. I mean hey, to heck with Rosa Parks, who said that saying “no” ever got anyone anywhere, right? Like mom and dad always say, “Do what everyone else is doing and never make decisions for yourself”, and just go to homecoming because you’ll have the absolute time of your life.
I guarantee it.